


Living Loneliness

by Planet_Bryyo



Category: Metroid Series
Genre: Gen, One Shot, Platonic Samus and Adam interactions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 16:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19406740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Planet_Bryyo/pseuds/Planet_Bryyo
Summary: The universe can feel very big and empty, with nowhere left to go and safety left behind. In the aftermath of Metroid Fusion, Samus pauses for thought.





	Living Loneliness

She was standing in a field, with fresh green Earthen grass spreading out in all directions around her. The big city, almost hidden behind a wall of mist, surrounded this tiny haven on every side. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the vague silhouettes of tower spires, and occasional glints of light catching on large office windows. It was unnaturally quiet. There wasn't even the distant rumble of traffic, nor the sounds of wild birds that flocked to this one peaceful sanctuary amid the urban sprawl.

Even though it was her first visit in a while, she knew the route like clockwork. Winding through rows and rows of dark metal pillars, each alight with digital names, dates, and epitaphs for those lucky enough to have still had loved ones in the world when they passed. The one she stopped in front of was slightly taller than all the rest, but like all of them, there was a plant growing behind it. Some had flowers, others had trees; the one ahead was a berry bush.

"So this is it." The voice spoke directly into her ear. She nodded and rested a hand against the metal. It didn't feel the way she expected it to.

"I left flowers for you the last time I came."

"Thank you."

The longer she stood there, the more everything around her seemed to fade into fogginess. The berry bush looked smaller than it had last time.

"I hope this is what you would've wanted. They insisted you have something big, but I knew you didn't want anything flashy. Oh, there was a flag. Don't know where that went."

"It's alright. Well, you knew me well. It's just a grave, after all. I'm glad you honoured my memory, but in theory it should have made little difference to me..."

"But you just had to go get uploaded, didn't you?"

"And be glad I did, or else post-Biologic labs they would have been making one of these for you too."

Samus paused to take in the surroundings. Despite the mist along the ground, the sky was clearer than she'd ever seen before, abnormally so. Not even the usual breeze stirred the leaves of the cemetery plants.

"It's... Unsettling, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Can't imagine living to look at your own grave. I don't know how you can get your head around it."

"Not that. I mean, being able to see this here and now. Don't you find it strange that it's so detailed? How much of Federation space is mapped out so cleanly? How far do you think their eyes go?"

Samus tapped the side of her head, and the world around her crumbled into pixels. She took a moment to adjust to being back in her ship; the temperature and air registered in her mind as normal again, whereas the ship's warmth and stillness had felt somewhat out of place in the middle of the misty Earthen graveyard.

"I suppose that's the one thing we can be thankful for out here. First time in a while that I feel completely out-of-touch."

The dashboard screen came back to life, with the eye that represented its AI sitting up in the corner, dimmed out in a way that Samus had learned to mean eyes closed. Adam was lost in thought. She still wasn't used to having a ship's AI with the complexity of a real human being, but right now it was comforting.

"Well, I've been in a military setting since I was young. When you live a life like mine, it's rare to be truly on your own. Quite unsettling when you are."

"Yeah, I'm used to being alone. Most of the time though, it's not... I guess it's not truly being alone, in a sense. I'm rarely working on a dead planet, and back in the day I was usually dodging Pirate cameras or something like that. Hell, even growing up on Zebes, we had the Mother Brain with her eyes in every hall. It seemed like a comfort then."

Adam's eye blinked on and off. "You've gone from dodging one thing to the next. Space Pirates to the Federation themselves."

"Heh. That's just life." Samus took off her helmet and leaned forward, resting it on her lap. "When was the last time I got a mission where I wasn't rolling through the air vents to avoid surveillance?"

"Fair enough."

Samus didn't imagine she'd be getting any missions for a while now, if ever again. It wouldn't be too hard to find work out on the verges of Galactic space- those little pockets the Federation hadn't adopted yet, or maybe even between and beyond galaxies- though she couldn't imagine what she'd be asked to do in lawless territory. The more she pondered it, the more daunting it seemed. But she was going to have to live somehow, at least until she could work out some way to deal with the Federation situation.

Most daunting of all was just finding somewhere to land. Easier said than done. A lot of her old ships' records were burned when it crashed, despite her best efforts to preserve it. Most of her computer backups were in secure locations- meaning hidden away in Federation territory. Hard to access right now. And the information Adam had on-board was largely what the Federation had allowed him to have, meaning maps of Federation space and little in the way of anything beyond. Being this far out, linking to any kind of data network was difficult enough due to signal strength, let alone the risk of compromising her location...

She slumped over her helmet and sighed. As she did, the eye on the dashboard lit up again. "You'll make it through. There's a lot ahead, and it won't be easy, but you've done far worse."

"I've done too much. I need a break and a lie-in."

"Plenty of time to sleep now. I'll keep watch over the surroundings."

Samus shook her head. "I never sleep easy out in space. Not like I'm willing to risk cryosleep now, if you even have that available."

"I wouldn't recommend it. You should be fine for a while with your suit on, but I'd say avoid more than a few hours of cold for now."

Samus sank deeper into her seat. She was so, so tired.

"If you want to talk as well, you have plenty of time to do so. And an ear that's willing to listen."

She shook her head. "I always need to talk, but I don’t want to be a burden. If I started I wouldn't stop. And at the moment all I can do is complain, really."

"Complaining is good. It's healthy to talk out your problems."

"Hey, didn't you once tell me off for complaining? More than once? Like, daily?"

"Well, that's a bit different. Be honest, you used to moan for the sake of it."

"I had plenty to moan about!"

"Was the cafeteria truly that detrimental to your life?"

Samus playfully tapped the dashboard, just below the eye. "I came from a nice healthy Zebesian diet. I was allowed to moan about slop!"

She paused, and then allowed the grin to break through on her face.

"Okay, okay. I don't know how you do this, of all people."

"I had a younger brother. I know how this works. Now, you were complaining?"

"Yeah, I was." She leaned back, one hand behind her head, idly cleaning her helmet with the other. "I'm just tired, Adam. I've done so much. I don't even know which particular thing to start complaining about, because it's just... It's all there. I don't get the chance to process one thing before the next hits me. And I'm alright with it, I mean, I need to get back on my feet and go because there's always something else out there. But now I can't even go home to somewhere safe. I don't know where I'm going. I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do."

"This is probably the first time your life has lacked structure in quite a long time, isn't it? With no home to return to and no promise of another mission. Having that purpose is more important than you realise."

"Yeah. You understand that, right?"

"Absolutely. I come from military schedules. I'm ashamed to admit it, but being pulled out of my routine always had a terrible effect on me. Before this ship was given to you, I spent weeks re-training my new neural circuits just so I'd be used to working on a ship's routine rather than a human commander's one. It still doesn’t feel right."

"I remember you after the mission to Eldeis IV. Wow, that was a long time ago. When we were basically just guarding the fort as and when the high-ups asked us to. No plans or structure whatsoever. You were completely worn out. Hell, you even laughed when Ian pulled that prank on Jens!"

The eye blinked on and off. "I must have lost my mind."

"I think you did!"

She continued to absent-mindedly scratch dirt off the top of her helmet. It was different to how it used to be, its shape modified by the Federation when they'd saved her life. She was just about getting used to it now. It finally felt like she was back in her own skin when she put the suit on, but the proportions were still off. She'd touch one part and expect it to be something else.

"Did... Did you ever feel like the routine made your life boring?"

"Not really. I thrived on it."

"I know it's a paradoxical thing to say, but as much as I'm exhausted and overwhelmed, I'm almost excited to see what's thrown my way now."

Adam's eye lit up a little. "Coming from you, that does not surprise me."

Samus laughed. "Yeah, I was never one for sitting still. I dunno, maybe I'm just trying to convince myself it's all fine, which it isn't, but I always appreciate a bit of a challenge. Or just... Something new. Something different."

"It's an adventure, essentially, no matter what happens."

"Yeah. And I can't get enough of those."

She gazed upwards, towards the top of the ship's window. The dim glow of the dashboard was the only thing illuminating the local void, aside from the distant spots that marked faraway stars, and the great length of the Milky Way extending behind them, out of their view. Nothing moved, even though she knew that really, everything was moving. Stars, planets, and galaxies barrelled through space at incomprehensible speeds. But from here, it looked still, and the only sounds were the grumble of a tired, hard-worked ship's engine, and the faint snoring of a pile of Zebesian creatures tucked away at the back of the vehicle.

"That's one thing that keeps me going, I guess. I always tell myself it's just because I want to help people. It is, in a way. I often feel like I'm the only barrier between evil forces and the safety of others, and I hate knowing I can't be there to do that now. But I think I would've burned out if not for the journeys I've had. Even the ones that ended in tragedy. I've seen so much, discovered so many things..."

"You always held the weight of the universe on your shoulders. You can't save everyone, so just remember that you've saved many. You've done a good job with what abilities you have."

Samus nodded. "Thanks, Adam."

"But it's true. It's those little things that make the adventure so worthwhile. I had a routine like clockwork, but that was in-between dealing with threats of war, pirate attacks, new enemy bases that needed dealing with... Without them, I would've given up long ago. My mind is one that needs stimulating. It's the challenges that we need to keep us going, whether they're plans to invade an enemy fortress or just the discovery of new creatures on an unexplored planet."

“It’s surprising how much the little findings can motivate you as much as the urgent threats. You know, now that I mention it... Going back to what we were saying earlier, it's funny how the places where I should've felt most alone have also been the least lonely, in a way. The wild tunnels with no hidden Pirate cameras or drones, or the depths of burning caverns. They were isolating, but you just had to look a little closer, and there was so much more there. Whole ecosystems thriving in the strangest of places. I almost wish I hadn't been there, impeding on their territories, but I'm grateful for what I've seen."

"It must have taught you to appreciate the quiet?"

"No, it taught me to appreciate noise. Quiet is for places cleared out by the Space Pirates. Something as simple as the blowing of the wind or calls of wild beasts is enough to comfort me in a place that seems lonely. It lets you know you aren't truly alone, not like you are in the depths of an enemy base. Maybe nothing is on your side, but it’s not malicious either. It’s just nature as nature intends to be."

"That's a very good way of thinking about it."

Samus placed her helmet down at her feet a moment, and reached towards the dashboard with the intent of loading up a VR view of Zebes- before realising her new ship probably didn't have the right data for it. She sighed and leaned back.

"It reminds me of an old Chozo concept. It's hard to translate the word into Galactic, but... _espeleka_ , it means the 'spirit of nature'."

"Because you worship your ancestral spirits, yes?"

Samus shook her head. "We do, but it's not quite like that. It's not literal. It's like... It's the essence of life that surrounds you. If I'm being honest, I don't think my people on Zebes understood it as well as some others do. Our heritage is one of war and death. No, I think it's people like the Talloric Chozo who knew it best."

She paused to ponder it, taking herself back to the dusty ruins of Tallon IV. It was so vivid in her mind that she didn't even feel the need to load up the virtual reality again.

"I almost felt it myself, when I was there. The ruins were the most deserted and desolate places in the world, and yet somehow the least lonely too. Once I'd cleared out the poison, I just felt like there was an energy to them. The people were gone, but they'd left the ruins to be overtaken by other life. I feel like that embodies the concept. Life goes on and fills every niche. That was what the Chozo liked to believe. It was what they had faith in, no matter what happened to their own people. Though in a way, it almost felt like the spirits of those people lingered in those ruins too."

"I'm glad to hear that, in a way. I can remember you telling me that you weren't sure whether or not you believed in the Chozo spirit worship."

Samus smiled. "When I was a kid, I didn't know. But now... Now I've seen it. I can believe it."

She leaned back in, pressing a few buttons to ready the thrusters and unlatching the controls, prepared to go.

"You know, maybe it's not true. Maybe I just have to believe it for my own sake, just to get by with all this loss and loneliness. But if it works, it works. Pretending the essence of life, the essence of the Chozo still lived on Zebes, SR388, Tallon IV, and seeing everything they believed in, it helped me get through the journey and appreciate the wonders instead of being bogged down by the nightmares ahead. If I’m feeling overwhelmed, I listen for the sounds of living things, and it puts me at ease. It reminds me of the wider universe I’m a part of. Maybe… Maybe that’s why I’m feeling a little daunted now."

"Indeed. With all that said, I suppose even the silence can be deceptive..." Adam suddenly went dark, and the whole dashboard dimmed. Samus was confused at first, until she glanced out of the window. It took her a second to realise that something was moving, casting a great shadow between the ship and the faraway stars. Her heart began to beat faster, and she reached for the ship’s controls, one hand over the shields and another on the thrusters.

She watched it slowly pass by, soundless but massive. Realising what it was, her eyes widened. Still cautious, she moved her hands back to her lap, trying to take in what she was looking at.

It was gone just minutes after it appeared, but the elegant space-faring creature was a wonder to behold. The shadow of its body began to ripple with rows of bioluminescent bulbs, creating a light show that looked like thousands of distant stars igniting and extinguishing over and over. At first she assumed it was close to the ship, until she realised that it wasn't- it was many miles away, and just happened to be very, very big. She squinted to get a better look, and noticed that in one region the lights were smaller, their patterns less coordinated. It split off, forming a second, smaller shadow which wriggled playfully alongside the first.

By the time Adam had loaded up the scanner to find out more, the parent and child had already vanished, soundlessly, into the depths of space.

"That's... That's incredible."

"Even out here, there is unexpected life. I suppose it's hard to feel lonely knowing that."

Samus tapped the dashboard, bringing everything back to life. "It's amazing what you can find. By the ancients, if you did a swab of any part of this ship, I bet you'd find so much. All too small for the naked eye, so you forget about it, but... It's there."

"It's not quite the same as being among other conscious beings, but when you're a space-farer it's good to remember that you aren't the only life out here. It's a very big void to be stuck in on your own."

“Yeah… I’m glad to think there’s something else out here. It starts to feel claustrophobic when you’re surrounded by lightyears of nothingness on every side. Not like me to be bothered by claustrophobic spaces, but this is a different thing altogether. Just me, and the Etecoons and Dachoras, and...”

"...Samus.”

“Yes?”

“You know you aren't alone now, right? At the very least, you have me here to support you. I may not be alive in the true sense, but it’s still me."

“I know, Adam. There’s nothing in the universe I’m more thankful for than having you here now.”

“And I am honoured to be back at your side, especially in this time of need.”

She grinned. "As long as you plan to last a bit longer this time around. No second graves, I had enough stress bullying them into the design of the first one."

The eye blinked in a way she rarely saw- something she liked to equate to a smile, though being Adam, she could never be certain. It didn't really matter whether it was or not, because she knew he showed his happiness in other ways.

"I have a feeling I won't be getting a second one regardless."

"I don't know, they liked you a lot."

"I'm not sure they will like me as much after this escapade."

"Well, that remains to be seen. For now, we're outlaws in a not-so-lonely void. Fancy making an educated guess at which direction we should head in first?"

The ship began to buzz, coordinates appearing and vanishing on the display until Adam settled on something.

"You'll have to be the one to get the thrusters going, though. Unfortunately I lack the privilege of doing so."

Samus placed her hand on the lever and drove it forward. "Aye, Commander. Let's go find something new."


End file.
